I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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