i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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