That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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