If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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