she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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