So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize