I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
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She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
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I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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