so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
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We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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