Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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