I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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