the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
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The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
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I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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