if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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