I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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