I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
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He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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