Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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