I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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