This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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