The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize