Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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