I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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