Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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