Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize