the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize