i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
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