I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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