I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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