So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I intend to get homeless drunk
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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