Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
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He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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