drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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