I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
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I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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