Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
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my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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