He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
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Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
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You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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