chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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