lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
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just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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