oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
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