My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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