Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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