Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
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