I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize