So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
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We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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