I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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