I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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