so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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