I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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