we're chasing vodka with high fives
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
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We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
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Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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