Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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