We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize