I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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