Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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