I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
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You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
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He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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